Humor Archives - 2 Dads with Baggage
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Birthdays and Boyfriends

Birthdays and Boyfriends

Sophia celebrated her 15th birthday at Cheesecake Factory with her boyfriend. Oh, and we were there too. Good thing I like that kid.

Our little girl is getting so grown up.


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Flu Shots by Ambush, AKA “Sunglass Shopping”

Flu Shots by Ambush, AKA “Sunglass Shopping”

This weekend we tried to avoid the oncoming flu season by getting family flu shots at the lovely local Rite Aid. Don’t scoff until you learn why: because of total ambush.

That’s right, when you have two kids with Shot Anxiety Disorder (I coined that phrase, thankyouverymuch, but it’s also known as trypanophobia – fear of needles) we go out of our way to avoid the anxious build up. If we told the girls we were going to the doctor’s office to get a flu shot, they would run for the hills, or whine all day in advance, or both.

Instead, we hopped into the local drug store for some “sunglass shopping” and had a blast trying on numerous pairs, keeping the kids occupied until our names were called by the pharmacist.

Sophia throws some serious shade Sophia throws some serious shade

Sophia and Ava still didn’t get it as we sat down to wait our turn. But when the nice lady with the needles opened the door and called us in, the jig was up. “Wait a minute, what is going on here?” asked Ava. “You tricked us!” exclaimed Sophia. “Yep” said we.

And you know what? The process was easy, safe, fast and (relatively) anxiety free. Plus we got some hilarious selfies in the process.

Now we have to brainstorm how to get them down there next year….

Ava de la Coco Chanel Ava de la Coco Chanel

Jon strikes a pose Jon strikes a pose

Triton loves shopping, and shots Triton loves shopping, and shots


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In the Middle of the Night…

In the Middle of the Night…

The other night I had a near death experience. I went to use the bathroom in the dark and as I was sitting down I thought I undershot the toilet, panicked, lost my balance and almost went headfirst through the shower door. A number of better looking underwear than what I was wearing flashed before my eyes. I’m grateful that was not the girls’ and Jon’s last memory of me. #Blessed 


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At the Water Park

At the Water Park

At Aquatica Water Park…

• Also known as Alotomoney-ica or Expensive-ica or Abroke-ica.
• A place where you can play on a fake, cement beach in California.
• I sure I’m the only middle aged gay man here – except for the man selling chicken nuggets – who might be a woman?
• Speaking of, I think I look like Jamie Lee Curtis in my big hat. It goes with my lady foot in this picture.
• Saw a hoody Spider-Man towel I must have.
• The Russian family next to me keeps putting stuff on my chair, but their heavy accents scare me so I say nothing and don’t make eye contact.
• I’ll do anything for the kids – except camping.
• I’m bored.
• I like pudding.


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Teen Olympics

Teen Olympics

1 am – 1 pm: Synchronized sleeping while on vacation

1 pm – 6 pm: Synchronized Snapchat and resistance to physical activity


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Thoughts From Massachusetts

Thoughts From Massachusetts

What I learned in Massachusetts –

• After seven days you run out of things to say in the van.
• 6 lobster rolls in 6 days – proof I can achieve anything I put my mind to.
• It’s not a good idea to take up jogging the morning after 2 Old Fashioneds, 2 glasses of wine and a Baileys – flies are drawn to that smell and a 70-year old women passed me twice.
• We saw a lot of old stuff in Boston.
• Make sure your driver (Jon) does not have low blood sugar before driving to breakfast or your driver (Jon) might have a sharp tongue.
• I watched a lady struggle to put up a tent on a windy beach in P Town and laughed inside while my friend Nancy got up and offered help #nancyisabetterperson.
• The kids just wanted to lay in bed, watch videos and eat junk food – that would bother me if I didn’t want to do the same thing.


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Shopping For Unmentionables

Shopping For Unmentionables

Panty shopping on a Tuesday night. Sooooo many choices. 5 for $27.50!#papilife 


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Disneyland: A Necessary Evil

Disneyland: A Necessary Evil

Most parents I know share our view that a visit to Disneyland is a necessary evil, conjuring a love/hate relationship worthy of the best Ursula the Sea Witch impersonation. Don’t get me wrong – our family LOVES to visit Disneyland. It’s just that the whole experience is so damn expensive!

Since the girls were born, we've been to Disneyland about eleventy-hundred times and met each princess at least four dozen times each. Since the girls were born, we’ve been to Disneyland about eleventy-hundred times and met each princess at least four dozen times each.

Read more about the parental yin and yang of what we have come to call The Disneyland Rites of Passage in my recent column for San Diego Magazine: A Family Afar: The Priciest Place on Earth. Ask any parent and they’ll agree that it’s a pilgrimage we must undertake (and really not very painful except for when the bill comes).

But those memories of our girls’ broad smiles as they met their favorite Disney princess for the first time? Priceless.