Everybody Loves a Lazy River (But Not Always a Waterslide)
By Jon Bailey - August 4, 2017
The lazy river called to our family, beckoning with brightly colored inner tubes, go-cups filled with chilled drinks, and a slow but steady flow of water to keep the crowds moving, cooling and laughing happily. We couldn’t wait to jump in.
One thing we noticed as we floated by the water slides was the lack of crowds there. The lazy river was chock full of guests, merrily bumping into one another, making chains and hopping in and out of their tubes to cool off. The water slide? Not so much. We must have taken three turns around the river route before I saw maybe four adults take on the waterslide the whole time. Quite a few kids threw themselves happily down the curvy pike, but not the parents. Why?
Well, I will tell you why. Because there is no elegant way to pick your bathing suit out of your ass after hurtling down a slide and being thrown into a pool of water. Once I realized it, I witnessed rider after rider splash into the pool, surface for air, and pick at their ass in a most ungainly fashion.
Now there was a time (I think it was the 80s) when butt floss was acceptably in fashion. Perhaps people even convinced themselves it was moderately comfortable to squeeze fabric deep within their cheeks. A very few actually looked good.
But not me. And evidently not many others at the Pointe Hilton Squaw Peak Resort. However, that Lazy River? My ass was quite happy sitting in that comfortable seat, dunked in cooling waters with a icy drink in my hand.
Have fun with that slide, kids!